Ever since I was a little girl, I have written really amateur poetry. It's a way for me to channel my feelings and since I'm not TERRIBLE at it, I always feel pretty satisfied with the end result and give myself an ol' pat on the back after I'm done. When I was in 4th grade, I won my elementary school's poetry contest, and never wrote a poem again, until now. I think I was going through some deep emotional stuff at the time (parents' divorce and such) and things got better, so I didn't have a need for poetry anymore.
Last year, after suffering through my first heartbreak ever, I resorted to poetry again. I was kind of angry and bit of sad, and I think that's clear based on the tone. I was also lazy, which is apparent by the shitty rhymes. Still, as I read these poems now, I'm happy at how far I've come emotionally. I haven't written a poem in about half a year, so that MUST mean I'm doing well. If I ever dare write poems again in the future, I will know that some real emotional shit is going down.
Poem 1- The one I wrote when 200 days had passed:
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Two hundred days ago we said farewell.
You were sad to part ways as far as I could tell.
Off to bigger lands and greater days you went
While I was left here thinking of the times we spent.
Though our last days were strange and a bit weary
And my thoughts of you are confusing and dreary
Every so often a memory comes about
Of When you and i were happy and to each other devout.
Ill never understand exactly what we were
You were committed to another yet for me you truly cared
And though you claimed that things were not as i thought
Ill forever hold a thread of hope that i was the one you loved.
I miss you everyday and more so every night
When the silence takes over and my dreams take flight
And in them you are present and our problems are resolved
Yet I wake longing to be the one with whom you are involved.
You were never good for me, this I see now
But I cant shake the sorrow or the wince in my brow
Because though you were the biggest mistake i ever made
I'd gladly do it all again and i don't want to forget.
Poem 2- The one where I was really angry & bitter & lazy:
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On days like today, when you invade my mind,
It takes me hours to get out of bed.
I cant stop thinking of what we left behind
Or shake the thoughts of the things you said.
I remember it as if it had been just now.
You took a drag from your cigarette and looked at me with your piercing eyes and said "If I was a man, I would kiss all the birthmarks around your mouth and follow their trail until our lips met."
Those words will forever haunt me, though you claim it was all in my head.
You begged for days for me to kiss your lips and when I finally conceded you denied me this.
You claimed we were too close and that everything would change. But I think you were scared that our kiss would consume you and that you wouldn't be able to deny it anymore; you loved me.
I think of you every day and night. I cant shake you. I think about your new life without wondering too much about it because I'm afraid to know the truth. Though I wish you well, the idea of you being happier eats at me. Happier with him than with me. I'm scared that he's the one for you and that i'll be forced to watch you grow old with him from afar as I sit on my couch alone watching TV, petting my dog.
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Poem 3- The one where I got distracted after the 1st stanza:
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In the corner of the roof she stands and stares alone
She wonders what her life would be if she was free to roam
Escaping from her life is not what she longs to do
But the idea of an adventure makes her think of you.
Thanks for reading,
Emily Dickinson.
j.k., I wish.
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