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About Children

Recently, my best friend said something that showed just how much societal pressure we are all facing to have partners and children as soon as possible. She said: “I need to meet my future husband ASAP because I am running out of time”. Surely, I’m feeling this pressure too, but does it make sense for me to feel this way?

On Saturday, I found myself having to buy a new car. This messed up my economical goals, as I didn’t believe I’d need to buy another car for at least two more years. Buying this car means that I won’t be able to save up for adoption by age 40, as I had previously expected to. And so, in the middle of the dealership, I wept. Discreetly, of course, but I was distraught.

During lunch with another friend yesterday, I told her this story, and she graciously offered to help fund my adoption if it ever comes to that. She also mentioned that my mom would always be willing to help, and she’s not wrong. But something about having to have someone else pay for me to have a kid makes me feel inadequate. I want to be able to proudly say I did it on my own, if I never find a partner to do it with.

After lunch, as I sat back at my desk, I stumbled upon a video that opened my eyes a bit to what the future could hold for me:

This video shows a woman who at 50, after years of thinking she’d never be a mother, had a baby. I had always thought 50 was too old. I was setting my cut-off date at 40. But now when I really think about it, that cutoff date only makes sense from a biological perspective, and that’s not applicable for me, as I don’t really care to have biological children. I just want to be a mom. I see my own mother, who at 50-ish is in great shape, has tons of energy and is economically stable, and I can absolutely see her raising a baby now. So maybe it’s time to re-evaluate my deadlines. Maybe I can wait until I’m older and more economically sound. This gives me great tranquility.

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